The Wall:
Facing a wall
Waiting for a window to appear.
No window; just the wall.
The wall is the window.
In your attempts to do what you love and create the life you want, you have most likely encountered internal or external obstacles. An internal obstacle may take the form of a behavior, belief, thought or feeling such as procrastination, perfectionism, fear, anxiety, and self-defeating thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “Something bad is going to happen,” or “There’s something fundamentally wrong with me,” to name just a few. External obstacles may include such things as financial limitations, administrative red tape, friends or family telling you that you are being unrealistic, or a personal or family crisis such as illness, accident or death. I have had clients tell me that as soon as they begin to make a significant change in their lives, something seems to happen to drag them back into the old status quo. This reminds me of Michael Corleone’s desperate complaint in God Father: Part III: “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” (Click: video)
In Zen, there is an old saying, “The obstacle is the path.” Leave it to Zen to turn the tables on our usual approach to life. The following Zen story takes a similar tack:
A student asked, “When times of great difficulty visit us, how should we meet them?”
The teacher said, “Welcome.”
What the…? How do you make sense of that? The recommendation here is not to be like some Herculean masochist who is willing to tolerate all types of torture and misfortune. The invitation is to be aware of and present with the obstacle, allowing space for the thoughts, feelings and physical sensations that arise as you face it.
The paradoxical proposition, “The obstacle is the path,” reminds me of a central concept in Gestalt Therapy: the paradoxical theory of change. Stated simply, this is the understanding that change occurs when you are present with what is, not when you try to change it. Your inherent capacity to creatively adapt, learn, heal and grow in the face of an obstacle begins with awareness of your current situation which includes your physical and psychological experience.
I often say, “Presence first; thought, speech and action, second.” This underscores the effectiveness of dropping into present awareness when facing an obstacle. The appropriate, effective and compassionate response to the situation is more likely to emerge when one first assumes this “presence of mind.” This response may arise within in you or outside of you. An insight or idea may spontaneously arise, or you may find once you have settled into the here and now, there’s no need for action. On the other hand, you may see something that triggers a solution, or hear something while talking to a friend, or you might find that the problem solves itself.
So, how do you achieve present awareness? While there are many ways to accomplish such awareness, Tara Brach recommends taking a “sacred pause” throughout the day. Below are two simple practices you can do during your sacred pause as you confront obstacles, both large and small. An important aspect of these practices is letting go of the concept of an obstacle or problem. You are left with just encountering what it is you are experiencing through your senses, here and now.
The first practice is from Loch Kelly’s book, Shift Into Freedom. Whenever you encounter an inner or outer obstacle, say silently to yourself, “With no problem to solve, what is here and now?” Without trying to answer the question in words, just drop into awareness of what is present through your senses.
The practice, below, can be anywhere from a minute to 10 or 15 minutes. Be careful not to approach the exercise with the idea of getting rid of the obstacle. It is crucial to be willing to be present with the sensations, giving them your full awareness. At first, it may be difficult being present with your sensations. Do not force yourself to go beyond your level of tolerance. Stay with them as long as you can, then take a break and, if needed, do something that will calm, soothe and ground you. Through practice, your capacity to be present will increase. You may want to start with smaller disturbances and graduate to more difficult ones.
Just This
As you are aware of what is disturbing you in the moment, focus your attention on the sensations in your body that are being stirred up—not trying to change them, get rid of them, label them or analyze them. Experience and feel them from the inside, not observing from your head. When you find yourself drifting into thought, just go back to the sensations, not engaging the thoughts or trying to push them away, allowing them to be in the background and do what they will. The thoughts may include resistance to feeling the sensations. You may notice and experience new sensations that were stirred up by the thoughts. Continue to feel the original sensations along with any new sensations that may arise, whether they stay the same, change, intensify, decrease or move.