Zen and the Art of Relationship

April 17, 2017 by James Yates

Time Out by James Yates, Ph.D.—a handout presenting how to set an agreement with your partner for taking a time out when an interaction is beginning to escalate
Reflective Listening by James Yates, Ph.D.—guidelines for doing reflective listening with your partner
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

What To Do In Troubled Times? Part 1: Joining the Green Shoots

February 21, 2019 By James Yates

It’s a few days before Thanksgiving as I walk through the woods complaining to a friend about all that is wrong with the world. It may be the natural beauty of the environment or the impending holiday that causes me to stop and hear myself. I am suddenly fed up with my ranting which has become a burdensome habit. I turn to my friend and say, “I am no longer going to focus on the cement. I am going to focus on the green shoots coming up through the cracks.” At that moment in the woods, I … [Read More...] about What To Do In Troubled Times? Part 1: Joining the Green Shoots

Faith: Beyond Belief

January 5, 2019 By James Yates

Faith and belief are commonly confused, as if they are interchangeable. Faith is not belief. Belief is holding onto an idea of what is or what should be. Faith is allowing, trusting and surrendering to what is. Faith is the ability to let go to or fully engage in what is, here and now, without preconceptions of the outcome. Alan Watts, a philosopher who helped popularize Zen Buddhism in the West, underscored this critical contrast of the two terms: “We must here make a clear distinction between … [Read More...] about Faith: Beyond Belief

The Obstacle Is the Path

October 2, 2017 By James Yates

The Wall: Facing a wall Waiting for a window to appear. No window; just the wall. The wall is the window. In your attempts to do what you love and create the life you want, you have most likely encountered internal or external obstacles. An internal obstacle may take the form of a behavior, belief, thought or feeling such as procrastination, perfectionism, fear, anxiety, and self-defeating thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “Something bad is going to happen,” or “There’s something … [Read More...] about The Obstacle Is the Path

Zen and the Art of Relationship

April 17, 2017 By James Yates

A guy walks into a Zen Monastery and says to the Zen master, “Please show me where to enter the Way.” The Zen master says, “Do you hear the sound of the valley stream?” The guy answers, “Yes.” The Zen master says, “Enter there!” Zen Buddhism asserts there are countless dharma gates—ways to “enter the Way.” Life is continually giving us opportunities to enter the Way—to enter and be fully engaged and aligned with the stream of life, whether you call it going with the flow, expressing your … [Read More...] about Zen and the Art of Relationship

How Do You Not Take It Personally?

March 27, 2017 By James Yates

Don't Take It Personally Wreaking havoc on anyone who crossed him, An enraged TV gangster demanded, "Everybody says, 'Don't take it personally.' "How do you not take it personally?!" Let it inflame you. Let it break your heart. Let it open a world of hurt. Let it open the wounds held in protective custody all these years; Unattended wounds slowly killing you and those around you. Let it awaken you to your self-imposed prison, A prison dividing you against yourself, others … [Read More...] about How Do You Not Take It Personally?

Three Essential Ingredients for Creating the Life You Want

March 6, 2017 By James Yates

There are three essential ingredients for creating the life you want: support, support, support. Building a strong support system serves as your foundation for making any major change, whether it is making a lifestyle change, changing careers or going after your dreams. You may have heard the saying, “It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.” Absolutely! In order to create the life you want, you need all the support you can get. This flies in the face of the American myth of individualism, the … [Read More...] about Three Essential Ingredients for Creating the Life You Want

MOMENT-TO-MOMENT GRATITUDE: The Appreciations Log

February 22, 2017 By James Yates

You may want to make regular use of the Appreciations Log, as it is a great tool for training yourself to focus on the gold that is glittering in your life. I have found this exercise to be an effective way to change my perspective when I am focused on doom and gloom. When you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, this exercise awakens you to the light coming through the holes in the sides of the tunnel. As I heard a Zen teacher once say, “Your attention is like a watering can. … [Read More...] about MOMENT-TO-MOMENT GRATITUDE: The Appreciations Log

Presence First

February 6, 2017 By James Yates

Presence first; Thought, speech and action second. Presence is awareness of what is here and now. Presence is being present with whatever is arising in our awareness both inside and outside of us. Presence is a priori, the foundation of our experience. It is always...present. Thought, speech and action arise in and from presence. Right thought, speech and action flow from presence. When we rest in the ground of awareness, the appropriate, effective and compassionate thought, speech and … [Read More...] about Presence First

No Problem to Solve

October 27, 2016 By James Yates

Here's a simple and effective awareness exercise you can do. Pause throughout the day, even if it is just a moment, and ask, “With no problem to solve, what is here and now?" Without trying to answer the question in words, just drop into awareness of what is present. This was borrowed from Shift into Freedom by Loch Kelly. . … [Read More...] about No Problem to Solve

Navigators of Infinity

August 5, 2016 By James Yates

Carlos Castaneda spoke of the shamans of his lineage as navigators of infinity. We are all navigators of infinity, the unfathomable, boundless, eternal field of energy that is the source of everything. Most of us are at best dimly aware of this as we have set a finite course, imprisoned on a seemingly safe, comfortable excursion that severely limits our capacity to behold and express the wonder of our existence. May we all discover that we are infinity navigating infinity on this miraculous … [Read More...] about Navigators of Infinity

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