Advantages
- Each person hears more accurately what is being said, leaving less room for misunderstanding, interpretation and reading between the lines
- Builds a foundation for sharing and trust in which each person feels he/she is being heard
- Slows things down; interrupts escalation of conflict
- Makes sure you listen, as opposed to thinking about what you’re going to say while the other is speaking
- Allows time for you to feel and identify your feelings
- Ensures that one person does not dominate
- Makes room for less assertive people
Guidelines
- One person speaks while the other listens. The speaker makes “I statements,” attempting to stick to the facts using non-judgmental language. The speaker keeps his/her statement short enough so the listener can remember and repeat it.
- The listener focuses on listening and refrains from thinking of how he/she is going to respond. If the statement seems too long or complex, the listener may ask the speaker to simplify it. The listener may ask clarifying questions.
- When the speaker finishes, the listener reports back what he/she heard. The report can be a combination of paraphrasing and the words the speaker used.
- After reporting back, the listener asks if the report was accurate and to the speaker’s satisfaction, e.g., “Did I get it all?” or “Did I cover everything you said?”
- The speaker may make any corrections to make sure the report best reflects what the speaker said. The speaker does not take this as an opportunity to add on some additional material.
- The listener repeats back the corrections until the speaker is satisfied.
- The listener now becomes the speaker and states his/her response.
- Be wary of wandering from the guidelines. Stick to the structure. It takes some getting used to.